How to revive your married life?

Is your marriage life catapulted because you are at the helm of sexual crises? A sexologist is what you might need who is more than capable of listening and rectifying your problem. A sexologist is a medical professional, who deals with the human sexuality issues including sexual interests, functionality and behaviour. He can play the role of a psychologist, psychiatrist and a marriage counsellor perfectly, all at the same time. For health issues that are physical in nature like a mental condition, ageing, hormonal imbalance, alcohol addiction, you need the expertise of a regular doctor.

If you are unaware of your problem and have no clues what it might be, educate yourself more with the help of internet. You can surely find relevant and educative material. However, a sexologist can subsequently help you out as well.

A sexologist may prescribe a sex therapy which is helpful in dealing with such issues. Here is a quick overview of it.

A sex therapy is aimed at solving problems with not only the human body but emotional issues that lie beneath the physical symptoms. There are certain exercises to be performed under the supervision of sexologist after the therapeutic session. They cannot be done in accordance with the session. One of the most tried and tested exercise is sensate focus. It involves the couples massaging and cuddling each other without getting sexual. It fulfils the purpose of making couples feel good and safe in each others’ company. This naturally leads to genital stimulation.

These exercises are helpful in curing diseases in women such as inability to have an orgasm and men’s erectile dysfunction. It may take 2 months to a year of this therapy. People who have encountered sexual trauma or clueless about their sexual orientation can benefit from this treatment. The main objective of these exercises is to develop better communication and greater understanding in their relationship.

When compared with other treatments that may affect your sexual life, sex therapy can be more of a psychological thing. If your relationship is going through a rough patch, it can be of great help.         

Sure shot ways to cure premature ejaculation

The most common sexual problem in men is premature ejaculation, rapid ejaculation, premature climax, early ejaculation, or by the Latin term ejaculatio praecox. A person is said to suffer from premature ejaculation if he ejaculates before his partner achieves orgasm in more than fifty percent of his sexual encounters. Premature ejaculation affects 25%-40% of men. Premature ejaculation is characterised by a lack of voluntary control over ejaculation.

Sex researchers have defined premature ejaculation as occurring if the man ejaculates within two minutes or less of penetration. The definition, however, is not that straightforward. Once thought to be purely psychological, experts now know that biological factors also play an important role in premature ejaculation and that in some men; premature ejaculation is also related to erectile dysfunction. A survey conducted by Doctor Alfred Kinsey in the 1950s demonstrated that three quarters of men ejaculated within two minutes of penetration in over half of their sexual encounters. The good news is that premature ejaculation cures are available everywhere you look, but making an informed decision is the most important thing when choosing a method for premature ejaculation. Today, most sexologists understand premature ejaculation as occurring when a lack of ejaculatory control interferes with sexual or emotional well-being in one or both partners.

A very simple way to delay premature ejaculation is the squeeze technique. The squeeze technique involves halting stimulation just before orgasm. You or your partner places a thumb on the frenulum (the connecting skin at the tip and right under the head of the penis) and applies pressure to the head of the penis with the other fingers. Hold the squeeze until the urge to ejaculate subsides. Then you can go on having sex and repeat the process until you actually want to ejaculate.

Most of the men suffering from premature ejaculation will greatly benefit from reducing the stimulation they experience during sex and there are already a number of creams available on the market to help reducing premature ejaculation. These creams can partially anaesthetise the penis and reduce the stimulation that leads to orgasm. Another option is to use one or more condoms. However, these techniques may interfere with the pleasure experienced during sex and so defeat the purpose of this technique.

The stop technique for premature ejaculation is very similar to the squeeze technique because it involves reaching the point of orgasm and then halting the whole thing. The stop technique requires only that stimulation stop. Stop technique for premature ejaculation does not need applying of pressure to any part of penis. After the stimulation has stopped and the urge to orgasm fades, resume sex and repeat the process. But these techniques take a good control and concentration to hold back premature ejaculation.

Another thing you can try is erectile dysfunction exercises. Most men overlook this muscle and never bother to keep it in shape, yet by learning to control it, you can rid yourself of premature ejaculation and learn to ejaculate when and only when you want to. These exercises are meant to train your pubococcygeus muscle, which is the very muscle that controls ejaculation and urination.

The bottom line that the best way to cure premature ejaculation is the one that works for you. See a sexologist, try nutritional supplements or try exercises to gain more control. Aside from being the most frequent male sexual disorder, premature ejaculation is also the most likely to be treated in a relatively short period of time and with very little inconvenience to you or your partner.

Can you beat performance anxiety during sex? Of course, you can

You thought genitals were the most important organ that determines your performance in bed. Think again! A lot depends on what’s going inside your brain. Yes, you got it, the brain! Multiple men succumb to performance pressure which leaves them incapable of fully enjoying their sex life. In India where talking about sex is considered forbidden until boys reach a certain age, this problem is more amplified. Here are some of the causes and tips to beat performance anxiety.

1. Don’t be cognisant of your body: Here media has a role to play as it shows people with perfectly toned body. This puts enormous pressure on people who are unable to meet such standards often leading to stress and low self-esteem. While having sex, a man may think about his body being unnaturally fat, thin or abruptly shaped. This isn’t healthy which in turn could lead to him not enjoying sex fully. The best thing to do is concentrate on body parts, hit the gym or indulge in sports. Improve fitness and everything else will be fine.
2. The great expectation: Most teenagers are exposed to porn these days and sadly, that is the only channel through which they gain sex education. It makes them think that every man should last at least 30 minutes. However untrue, such expectations only result in loss of confidence if not met. It is crucial to understand that porn is not sex in real life and they are preformed with several cuts.
3. Dominating thought of penis size: The more you think about it, the worse it will get. Again, this comes from unrealistic expectations by frequent porn viewing. What a man does with his penis is a lot more important than the size. Hence, it is important to stop worrying about it and start making efforts that will help you boost confidence and could be decisive in rectifying performance anxiety.
4. The past is past, so forget about it: Unsuccessful previous encounters where a man is ridiculed while having sex may affect his confidence the next time he engages in a sexual activity. If such thing has happened to you in the past, remember to start afresh and people have become successful in fields which they initially failed. Read motivational books and get your confidence back.

However, if you are unable to solve issues by yourself, then you should see a sexologist who’ll give appropriate counselling and suggest various strategies to manage your problem.  

How to deal with Premature Ejaculation

Coming too quickly happens to almost every man at some stage – and to some men more often than others. However, ejaculating with little stimulation, having little or no voluntary control or coming earlier than you or your partner want to, particularly if you or your partner – or both – find this distressing, is called premature ejaculation. To give you a rough time frame, if you always or nearly always ejaculate within one minute of penetration and can’t delay it voluntarily, experts classify this problem as premature ejaculation.

Two main forms exist:

• Lifelong premature ejaculation, where the problem starts from the word ‘go’ with the first sexual experience.
• Acquired premature ejaculation, when the problem occurs only in later life.

Premature Ejaculation is probably the most common male sexual problem, but counts as a problem only if it affects your sexual relationship and you or your partner – or both of you – feel frustrated. As a reaction, you may both become more anxious or stressed about attempting intercourse, which in fact can make the problem even worse.

Reassuringly, premature ejaculation isn’t normally due to any underlying disease or condition – in fact; it’s much more frequently due to one or more of the following factors:

• Inexperience: You’re bound to find controlling your orgasm difficult when you start your first sexual relationship. This problem often improves with time.
• New partner: You’re more likely to ejaculate prematurely when you’re starting a sexual relationship with a new partner. Quite often, when your relationship matures and the initial anxiety and excitement starts to wear off, you may find that premature ejaculation becomes much less of a problem.
• Past sexual experiences: Premature ejaculation may be a problem for you if you ‘learned’ to come quickly in your early sexual encounters, perhaps because of fear of being discovered or because you masturbated frequently and in a rushed sort of way. Maybe you felt guilty about masturbating and trained yourself to ejaculate quickly.
• Performance anxiety: Concerns that you’re unable to satisfy your partner may lead to premature ejaculation.

Many self-help and other treatment options are available. However, you’re most likely to achieve and maintain lasting benefits from talking to your sexologist about this issue, because he’s able to advise you on the most appropriate course of action. Here’s a selection of possible treatments that may work for you:

• Behavioural techniques: Various behavioural techniques to find out how to control or strengthen important muscles in your pelvis exist that you may find helpful, including the squeeze technique, stop and start, desensitisation and pelvic floor exercises.
• Condoms: Some men with a very sensitive tip of their penis find that using condoms makes them last longer.
• Talk to your partner: Discussing the problem openly with your partner is often a good first move – it’s likely to help reduce your anxiety and may be therapeutic in itself. While talking, try to find out what other types of stimulation your partner enjoys.
• Try to take your time and relax: A reasonably good chance exists that you may be able to ‘unlearn’ your sexual response, and gradually increase the time you take to climax, if you and your partner try not to rush when you have sex. However, this approach can take time to bear fruit – sometimes weeks or even months.

Premature Ejaculation is fast becoming a reason of concern among married couples. A little adjustment in the lifestyle and regular consultation with a sexologist can help in the longer run. 

When is the right time to consult a sexologist?

It’s ironic that a country like India which has a deep-rooted history of sex is amongst those where sex is talked about in an inhibited manner. Because it’s considered breaking a law to mention sex-not just in the villages but big, metropolitan cities as well- there are people who suffer from this taboo, both males and females.

Is the significance of sex exaggerated?

Not really. The reticence on sex means our approach is that sex is a crime or an act meant only for pleasure but that’s only half truth. It goes beyond that and if you look at our ancient scriptures you’ll find enough evidence. Sex was looked upon as a path towards spirituality and more. In layman terms, sex is like any other body function-just as body requires, food, water, sleep, air, it needs sex too. Homo sapiens are glued to this approach and it affects our overall health and mind.

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The jaw-dropping element of this mentality is that health problems involving sex are flushed down the gutter. These issues include premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, discomfort during intercourse, vaginismus, low libido etc. Even though treatable to a great extent, issues related to sexual dysfunction needs to be addressed by a sexologist first, which is where people are reluctant. They either feel it’s not serious or too embarrassed to discuss.

How do we detect a problem?

Some of the problems men face includes low sex drive, inability to achieve orgasm, lack of ejaculation, recurring erection. Sexual dysfunction in women unfolds in the form of reduced desire to have sex, pain during intercourse, lack of orgasm etc.

What is the potential cause of sexual dysfunction?

Sexologists explain that in men, erectile dysfunction occurs when blood flow gets disrupted, stress, performance anxiety and nerve disorders. Diabetes, high blood pressure and certain medication are linked to loss of libido. There are other causes as well, but these are common. In females, changes in hormonal activity like after birth or post-menopause are linked to sexual dysfunction.

When and why you require professional opinion?

The answer’s simple; when your sex life is in trouble and hinders with other aspects of life. You may not get to know about the problem, so it is important to discuss with a sex therapist no matter how small the issue seems to be. It’s unfortunate that in India, sexual problems are given a low preference but it’s quintessential to understand that it can affect you in multiple ways.

Treatment

The treatment commences with normal tests and examinations. In males, treatment may involve medications such as Viagra, hormonal assistance, penile implant and psychological therapy. For women, treatment may involve hormonal replacement therapy, topical oestrogen and surgery.

Not all treatments are suited to everyone and they possess some risk. Hence, it’s better to put up the right questions before your sexologist to get a clear view. Besides regular treatment, couple therapy is known to be equally effective.

Can I contribute in making my sex life healthy?

Of course you can. The fitter you are the better sex life you enjoy. In broader terms, this means no smoking, limited alcohol consumption, taking appropriate sleep, exercising regularly and following a healthy diet.