When someone you love is an alcoholic

Living with an alcoholic can be a living hell. Sometimes an alcoholic can be exciting and romantic yet unpredictable and dangerous. Nobody has a clue when they will be blamed or accused. As the alcoholic becomes more irresponsible, they are unable to lean on their partner for comfort or support.

We worry; feel angry, afraid and alone. We hide our private lives from friends, co-workers and even family to cover up the problems created by alcoholic. Our shame is not warranted; nonetheless, we feel responsible for the actions of the alcoholic. Our self-esteem deteriorates from the alcoholic’s lies, verbal abuse, and blame. Our sense of safety and trust erodes as our isolation and despair grow. Alcohol is a drug. I refer to alcoholism, but many of the feelings that partners experience are the same, regardless of the type ofaddiction.

Addiction is considered a disease

Alcohol is a drug and alcoholism is a disease. It is just like other addiction that worsens with time. Alcoholics drink to ease their emotional pain and emptiness. Alcoholics often try to control their drinking but once dependency takes hold, most find it impossible to stop or drink like non – alcoholics. Alcoholics drink because they have a disease and an addiction too. Addicts deny this reality and blame their alcohol or anything else.

Alcohol use Disorder

The recent edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders refers excessive drinking as Alcohol Use Disorder. It refers to an alcoholic as a person with an Alcohol Use Disorder. It is a disorder that causes impairment or distress manifested by at least two of the following signs within a year when the person

1. Drinks alcohol in greater amounts for a longer period of time intentionally
2. Spends great time in activities to obtain alcohol or to recover from its effects
3. Has a strong desire to drink alcohol
4. Drinks when it’s physically hazardous to do so
5. Stops or reduces important activities due to drinking
6. Has made failed attempts to reduce or control drinking

The Family’s Disease

Addiction is a family disease and it is said that at least five other people experience the effects of a drinker’s alcoholism referred to as “Secondhand Drinking”. The persons who are close to an alcoholic try to control the situation, the drinking, and the addict. If you live with substance abuse, you’re affected most, and children severely suffer because of their vulnerability and lack of maturity, especially if their mother or both parents are addicts.

It’s painful to helplessly watch someone we love slowly destroy him or her, our hopes and dreams, and our family. We feel frustrated and resentful from repeatedly believing the addict’s broken promises and from trying to control an uncontrollable situation. Denial affects the family as well as the addict. In time, family members become as obsessed with the alcoholic as he or she is with alcohol.

Hope and Recovery

Family members easily become codependent with the alcoholic. Without help, that codependency follows the same downward trajectory of alcoholism. There is hope, however, and there is help for the addict and for family members. The first step is to learn as much as you can about alcoholism and codependency. Many of the things people do to help an addict or alcoholic are counterproductive and actually can make things worse. Listen to the experience, strength, and hope of others in recovery.

You will learn:

• Not to suffer because of the actions or reactions of other people
• Not to allow ourselves to be used or abused by others in the interest of another’s recovery
• Not to do for others what they can do for themselves
• Not to manipulate situations so others will eat, go to bed, get up, pay bills, not drink, or behave as we see fit
• Not to cover up for another’s mistakes or misdeeds
• Not to create a crisis
• Not to prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of events